How to Say “I’m Not OK”
In a society where the default response to “How are you?” is often “I’m fine,” it can be challenging to acknowledge when we’re struggling. However, being open and honest about our mental health is crucial, not only for our own wellbeing but also for fostering deeper connections with others. As Australia grapples with rising mental health challenges, it’s more important than ever to break the stigma and embrace the courage to say, “I’m not OK.” This article explores how to navigate this difficult conversation, providing insights and strategies for seeking support.
It’s OK Not to Be OK
This year has been particularly tough for many Australians, with 44% of adults experiencing some form of mental health issue [1]. Despite this, admitting that we’re struggling often feels overwhelming. Society’s emphasis on resilience can make it seem like we should always be “fine,” but in reality, it’s perfectly normal to feel the weight of stress, anxiety, or depression. Recognising that it’s OK not to be OK is the first step towards getting the support you need.
It Takes Courage to Say That You Are Not OK
Acknowledging that you’re not OK requires courage. Like the iconic scene from Monty Python’s The Holy Grail, where the Black Knight insists, “It’s just a flesh wound,” many of us downplay our struggles. But while this might be amusing on screen, denying our feelings in real life can lead to further mental health decline. Research indicates that early intervention significantly improves recovery outcomes for mental health conditions [2]. Therefore, the sooner you admit how you really feel and seek help, the sooner you can start healing.
Don’t Be Afraid to Reach Out First
Often, people assume that others are too busy or burdened to help, but this is rarely the case. In fact, most people want to support their friends and loved ones. If you trust someone, don’t wait for them to ask if you’re OK—initiate the conversation yourself. By saying, “I’m not OK,” you open the door to receiving the help you need, whether it’s practical, emotional, or professional.
Be Specific About What Support You Need
When reaching out, try to be clear about what kind of support would be most helpful. Whether you need someone to listen without judgement or help with practical tasks, expressing your needs can make it easier for others to provide the right kind of support. For instance, you might say, “I think I need professional help but don’t know where to start. Can you help me find someone?” By being specific, you empower yourself and those around you to take actionable steps towards your wellbeing.
Understand the Intention of the Person Asking
When someone asks if you’re OK, consider their intention. Are they genuinely concerned, or are they just being polite? If they’re offering sincere support, it’s worth opening up. However, if you sense that they might not be equipped to handle the conversation, it’s OK to protect your boundaries and save the discussion for someone who can provide the empathy and time you need.
Who Should You Have This Conversation With?
Choosing the right person to talk to is crucial. Some people are better equipped to provide emotional support than others. If you’re unsure who to turn to, consider who in your network has shown kindness, empathy, and a non-judgemental attitude in the past. It might not be your closest friends or family, but rather someone who has the emotional skills to truly listen and offer comfort.
Set Boundaries
Sometimes, even well-intentioned people can take over the conversation or jump into “fix-it” mode before you’re ready. It’s important to set boundaries by letting them know what you need from the discussion. For example, you might say, “I appreciate your advice, but right now, I just need someone to listen.”
Don’t Take Unhelpful Responses Personally
Not everyone will respond the way you need them to, and that’s OK. If someone brushes off your concerns or doesn’t offer the support you were hoping for, try not to take it personally. It’s a reflection of their own limitations, not of your worthiness of care. Keep reaching out until you find the support you need.
Professional Help Is Available
While friends and family can offer valuable support, there are times when professional help is necessary. In Australia, one in five people will experience a mental health condition in any given year [3]. Speaking to a GP can be the first step towards accessing professional care. Through a mental health care plan, you can receive Medicare rebates for up to ten sessions with a psychologist or counsellor each calendar year. Don’t hesitate to explore your options until you find a therapist with whom you feel comfortable.
Find the Right Fit
Finding the right therapist is essential for effective treatment. Just as you would seek out a good mechanic or hairdresser, it’s important to find a therapist with whom you have a strong connection. Don’t be afraid to try a few before settling on the right one. A good therapeutic fit is crucial for success, so trust your instincts and keep searching until you feel safe and supported.
Let Them Know You Appreciate the Question
Even if you’re OK, it’s important to acknowledge the concern of those who ask how you’re doing. A simple, “I’m OK, but thank you for asking,” reinforces the importance of these conversations and encourages a culture of openness and support.
Knowing how to reach out and ask for help is just as important as offering support to others. By being honest about your struggles, you not only improve your own mental health but also contribute to breaking the stigma around these conversations. In a world where mental health issues are becoming increasingly prevalent, fostering a culture of openness, empathy, and support is more critical than ever.